"There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the passion of life." Federico Fellini

I like this quote. I came across it on someone's facebook page and it stood out to me.

I feel that my biggest flaw is my fear of jumping into things. Which is funny because I am jumping into things when I get to Chicago. But I always feel as thought I am not capable. I am not ready yet. That at one point, I will know. When? When is that point of knowing? Knowing that it's time for me to do something.

So I admire people who live their life full of passion. The people who throw themselves into their work completely. When you watch these people perform, you know it's their soul being poured out on the stage. That takes guts. That takes strength. That takes all of your being.

Imagine that passion for everything in your life. For when you wake up to go that class in the morning. The passion when you meet new people and interact with your old dear friends. The passion to love freely and completely. To not care that tomorrow is a day away, but to live in the moment. To give yourself fully to that moment. To that moment of solitude. To that moment of companionship. To the waking up and going to bed each day. To breathing. To walking. To Being.

Imagine how the world would be if everyone fully lived out their lives with passion, not complacency?

Don't worry about yesterday. Don't worry about tomorrow. Focus on today. Live in today. Full of life. Full of passion.

:-)

$600 Actor/Writer Thing & Chicago Fringe

"Hello actors!

If you are getting this email, it's because you are signed up as an actor in the $600 GTT Actor/Writer Thing!

So what's the rundown? I will explain more as we go along, but here's the general idea:

This is a competition broken down into three different stages over three different weeks. In the first week, you will meet with the writer you have been assigned (you will know when you arrive that evening), and that writer will write you a monologue. Then it's your job to do that monologue to the best of your ability! Some of you will move on, some will not, and it all comes down to the votes of the audience (this is a very good reason to encourage your friends to fill the house so they vote for you!)

In the second week, it's the same deal except not only will you get a writer, but you will get an acting partner as well and you end up doing duets. Again, some will move on, some will not.

In between the second and third week, the writers and actors that are still around will be split into two groups, and you will put together a 20-25 minute play to be performed on that final week. Winners take all!"

What did I get myself into? It was an automatic sense of stress that came over me. It seems like fun but it's so intimidating. Well, at least I'll meet new people. And we really should live our lives doing things that scare us. But this is just. Wow. I'm confident I can do it, but I'm just going to be a complete mess.

Chicago Fringe Festival Schedule has been sent out.

I have SMed shows before. I production managed Small But Fierce. BUT! It has all been in the Annex. I have run shows in the annex. I've never actually gotten a feel for a show in a bigger spaces, or in an actual theatre.

I am moving to Chicago on August 27th. I help with load-in on August 28th. I tech August 29th, 30th, and 31st. I am off Sept 1 and 2, and then working shows Sept 3rd, 4th, and 5th. Basically I will be in charge of a venue. This is scaring me a bit. I am being thrown in to SMing for experienced SMs. Or atleast, that's what it feels like.

My first two weeks in Chicago will be filled with new opportunities and new chances at me freaking out. I am scared. I need to learn to stop being scared.

And it's 11 days?

What?!!

Well, I mean I am stressed. I am moving. Not just going back to school or going away to school, but coming back on the weekends or for the break. I am moving. To Chicago. In 11 days. Wow.

I really shouldn't be as stressed as I am considering I have things to look forward to. I have an internship at an amazing theatre. I am volunteering for the Chicago Fringe Festival. All of this should be some sort of validation. Some sort of "BAM! TAKE THAT WORLD!" But it's only making me more stressed. Will I live up to the expectations?

Money. MONEY. Is what I'm mostly afraid of. Not having a job when I get there is a bit stressful. Will I be able to afford my rent? Eat? AAAHHH How am I supposed to schedule a well paying job around an internship that requires me 20hrs of the week and wanting to do theatre in the evenings? I am sure it will work itself out, but as the time gets closer, I stress more. Not having my apt available till Sept 1st. Crashing at some other people's places. What will become of me?

*takes a breath*

But I am really excited about it. It feels right. My friend Melissa told me something as we were on the swings during Water Play Day at Camp(yup. lol). That me getting all of these opportunities at the start is the world's way of letting me know that this is the right decision for me. The world is setting up a path for me to follow. And even though it may get tough later on, the world knows that I can handle it because being given these chances at the start are leading me to the right path. Chicago is the right path for me. At this time. At this point in my life.

I can't wait to meet new people and work with new people. To create art. To be a part of it.

Also, it feels really nice to know I have close friends to look forward to, Supportive future roommates to live with, and some old theatre folk I haven't seen in quite some time. I think I just need to go to an improv show and then it will be clear, Chicago is the place for me!

The start of a new adventure...

It is about 5am.

I am home in Miami. Contemplating.

Thinking.

Questioning.

3 weeks till Chicago.

This is 3 weeks to the start of my professional theatre career.

Theatre life.

What does that even mean? In search of an internship. In search of a spot in volunteering for shows. In search of acting. In search of everything, basically. I am still not sure what I want to do in theatre. I keep searching trying to find what my true passion is, but as I keep gaining experience in different areas, I keep losing sight of it all.

I am excited. I am anxious. I am scared. I am fearing what will become of me when I get there. Will I make it? I'll be ok. But as the clock starts ticking as I have yet to land an internship to boost my confidence, I am fearful. Do I really want a regular old job and attempt to get cast in shows in the evening. Is that what I want?

This is my mind at 5am, apparently.

I am hopeful. I am filled with joy at the possibilities that await me.

But so afraid.

So afraid.